How to breathe for over-thinkers - the 4-11 technique

بِسْمِ ٱللَّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

If you are reading this, you may be dealing with a mental health issue like anxiety or depression. You have probably been told that you should "just breathe" to calm down. However, due to your mind over-thinking, this has likely been very difficult for you. Thus, with this guide, I hope to share a breathing technique that has worked for me.

A word of warning that some matters discussed here might be triggering. In order to make this article a bit easier to read, I recommend first reading these positive affirmations audibly a few times:

• I want to get better
• I am at peace
• I am calm
• I am positive
• I am happy
• The solution to my problems is already within me

Now proceed to smile and feel the relaxation within you.

Why breathing won't work initially

There are many reasons why breathing won't work initially. Firstly, due to your mind always over-thinking, the idea of breathing may actually exacerbate your worry or anxiety (although you won't notice it right now, your current breathing pattern is probably shallow). Secondly, even though you are breathing, your mind is still racing/worrying. Lastly, the velocity of air intake is important and something that I will explain below.

So combining the adjustment from shallow breathing to deeper breathing, the mind over-thinking and the velocity of air intake, you might find that using breathing to calm yourself actually makes you feel worse.

Some apps/websites to help develop a breathing technique

With that said, the best place to begin your journey of better breathing is via guided meditation/breathing resources. I will list three options below:

Headspace: Guide to meditation (Netflix - paid) - as far as I can tell, this series should be available in most jurisdictions. So if you have a Netflix subscription, I recommend this option as it is the one I've used

Stop Breathe Think: Meditation - this is a freemium app available for smartphones. I have not tried it, but due to it being freemium, it is worth a shot

Bangor University, Centre for Mindfulness Research and Practice, Free Mindfulness Audio - this option is free and doesn't require any app. Perfect for people on a tight budget or with privacy concerns

I recommend choosing one of the three options and not inundating yourself with trying to use all of them.

Velocity of air intake

Although this might seem confusing, it is relatively easy to understand. I will use an analogy to further explain. Imagine two scenarios:

The first scenario is playing a sport that requires a lot of running. Without realizing it, the person engaged in the sport will be breathing quicker, as they require more oxygen to play the sport. Even though the breathing might be quicker, the velocity (or ferocity) of breathing will be a lot more.

Now imagine the second scenario of a person smelling a rose. When the rose is near your nose, the fragrance will result in a slower and measured breathing as you enjoy the unique and pleasant scent.

Try to imagine smelling a rose the same way you would breathe while engaged in an active sport. You wouldn't want to breathe in too fast in case a petal flies up your nostril (an anxious thought! But I hope you see the humour in it).

My theory goes that anxious people are living through the first scenario frequently (otherwise known as "shallow breathing"), and the goal is to get your breathing in such a manner that you are "smelling a rose" more often than you are 'running'.

The 4-11 breathing technique

There are many breathing techniques out there and if you found one that works for you, please keep using it. The technique I've developed has a sample size of one and is used primarily in situations of feeling overwhelmed or close to a panic attack.

This technique does not rely on counting seconds on a clock, but just on counting. Try it yourself by counting to four in your mind. It doesn't have to follow any specific style of counting. The best method I found is to use a rhythm:

1, 2 ... 3-4

1 ... 2-3 ... 4-5 ... 6-7 ... 8-9 ... 10-11

Make sure to never feel out of breath. If you find that counting up to eleven is too much, reduce the number to maybe five and then work your way up to a higher number. And remember, breathing is about calm and doesn't require excessive effort.

So the technique is (using the rhythm above):

• sitting comfortably with the back straight (¹)
• breathing in while counting to four
• attempting an optional pause
• breathing out while counting to eleven
• focusing on the breath. If the mind gets distracted by thoughts/feelings, acknowledge it gently and return to the breath
• after a little while, pay attention to your shoulders (or any other tense part of the body) by "dropping the shoulders". Try not to force it and let it happen naturally like a flowing river

Optional or recommended extras:

• closing your eyes after the first few breaths
• visualizing a place of calm (like a beach)
• adding synthetic sound (like a flowing river, birds chirping or gentle ocean waves)

Most importantly, try not to get impatient. Give yourself at least 7-10 minutes to find calm. Also, breathing techniques are not set in stone. You can modify my technique or any other technique to suit yourself. This is something not mentioned enough, and we think (or rather over-think) that popular breathing techniques can only be done one way.

¹ Doing calming breathing exercises when lying down causes me to doze off, so I do deep breathing either sitting on a sofa or sitting cross-legged on the floor.

The Parasympathetic nervous system

The reason why the count goes up to eleven whilst breathing out is to engage the Parasympathetic nervous system.

My rudimentary research into this topic has enabled me to understand that the Parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for calm and longer out-breaths engage this system more.

The other system, the Sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the "flight or fight" response which affects anxious people more than normal.

If it helps you, let it help others

If you find this technique helps you, please consider sharing it with others.

This content was written for people of all creeds and religions to benefit from. If you are a non-Muslim, this is the end of the main content and I hope this breathing technique works for you.

The next section is about Muraqabah or mindful meditation of Allah and is written to help Muslims gain closeness to Allah through His Remembrance via mindful meditation.

Muraqabah

It is recommended that you only engage in Muraqabah under the tutelage of a spiritual guide or Sheikh. Attempting spiritual reformation without a guide can lead one astray.

So, with the blessings of your spiritual guide, the Muraqabah can be done after finding a sense of calm. What this means is that once the 4-11 technique has calmed you, you can now replace counting with remembering Allah.

The technique is as follows:

• saying Allah in your mind while breathing in
• saying 'hu' in your mind while breathing out
• if the heartbeat is heard, acknowledging that each beat is declaring/saying Allah
• attempting to quiet the chatter of the mind by focusing on Allah's Remembrance only and returning to His Remembrance after being distracted

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured." - Surah Ra'd, verse 28(13-28)